What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
