I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize