It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
