I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
