We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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