i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm passing your future prison.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
