found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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