Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
