John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
