Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
