i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
