Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize