I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
