another moral hangover. fuck.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
