College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
