She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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