Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
