If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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