Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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