a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
