never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
