Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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