I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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