After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
