That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize