he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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