everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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