My first STD was from a foam party
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
