Already got asked if we're dating
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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