Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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