i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
