she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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