sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
