I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think I won the penis lottery.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
