he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The air taste purple.
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