Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
