i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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