actually, I'm a sock model
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
