The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Success! We fucked roommates!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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