theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
