He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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