I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
