I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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