you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
