is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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