i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
