You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
