I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize