I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
