I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
