You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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