Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
