if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
