The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Text me some of your sweat
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