I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
