we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
