Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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