I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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