their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
