WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
