I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
