Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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