Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
