Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
