i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
