I love black thongs
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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