would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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