The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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